Tim Mee Army Men: Green to the Core

Posted by TimMeeUSA .com on

After years of hard work we're ready to announce to the world our top secret project, code named 'Green to the Core' (patents pending).

WARNING! Do not attempt to cut open Plastic Army Men as injury may result, both to the human and to the Plastic Army Man being vivisected. We do not accept any responsibility for injury or damage that results from improper use of products.

Real fans of Plastic Army Men know that green is the one true color of the revered miniature backyard heroes. Still, there are wayward folks that insist that other colors are viable alternatives, so we offer Tim Mee Army Men in a variety of colors besides green, including tan, blue, black, red, gray, rust brown, cyan, and even pink (the horror!). Hey, we've got to pay the bills, and who are we to deny the public what they think they want? Deep down we knew it was wrong, so for the past few years we've been quietly developing a solution to honor the true green believers while still cashing in on the alt-green heretics.

We realized that deep down all real plastic army men have a heart of green, so why not literally give them that honest green heart? After several failed attempts we developed a painstaking process for taking newly molded soldiers and hand injecting a tiny amount of green plastic in the center of body, then gently heating the figure to remove any trace of the process. It's a time-consuming and expensive process, so we started with just .1% of the non-green figures produced and randomly inserted them in the bags. It was a start, but not good enough, we needed to take the process into mass production.

Tim Mee Green to the Core Handwork April Fools 2018

This would be a Herculean feat of plastic injection engineering and was met with failure after failure. The final breakthrough occurred when the engineering team stumbled upon the plans for a long lost automated 1930's Bavarian doughnut creme filling injector. The pieces finally fell into place. By miniaturizing the creme filling injectors and inserting the molten green plastic through hollowed out ejector pins, we were finally able to achieve the 'heart of green' in mass production.  We've been slowly rolling out the 'Green to the Core' (patents pending) plastic army men over the past year by including more and more soldiers with a heart of green at random in our non-green packs of soldiers. That means right now, at this very moment, your armies of tan, red, gray, blue, black, brown or pink armies might have a soldier that is truly green on the inside. Think about that.

Tim Mee Green to the Core Machine April Fools 2018

Starting in 2018, all of our non-green soldiers will include the 'Green to the Core' feature (patents pending). The R&D has been incredibly expensive, so we've got to raise prices a bit, but believe we can keep it to a minimum by leveraging the whole 'Going Green' marketing craze. We'll be able to legally say all our Army Men are green products. The expected extra sales volume should help keep the price increase to around 20% or so. We know it's a lot, but feel it's worth it to keep Army Men 'Green to the Core' (patents pending). You're welcome.

Tim Mee Green to the Core April Fools 2018

WARNING! The 'Green to the Core' (patents pending) feature is for entertainment purposes only. Do not attempt to cut open Plastic Army Men as injury may result, both to the human and to the Plastic Army Man being vivisected. We do not accept any responsibility for injury or damage that results from improper use of products.

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  • Hello there. I am sure I speak for everyone when I ask if you would add a standing firing position to your products. Would rather not have to resort to a knock off product just to have a standing firing position figure. Thank you for bringing back a great product for future generations

    Blake on
  • (Check the article’s date ;) )

    This page has unaccountably made my day, thank you very much!

    I don’t need to open any Tim Mee army men up to know they’ve got a heart of green. Glad to see these toys making a comeback for new generations of kids, I spent many hours with my brother and cousins playing with the original Tim Mee army men in sandboxes and gardens in the ’70s and 80s. A couple spare shoe-boxes made up as army bases and a pack of army men or cowboys-and-Indians off the rack of your local dime store could go a really long way back in those days before game consoles and phones took over.

    I’d love to see someone bring back the old DFC knights and fantasy monsters, those nameless “Chinasaur” kaiju-monster figures, and other classic ’70s and ’80s era toy soldiers. I wonder what ever happened to the molds for that sort of thing?

    Y. Whateley on
  • I wish there were more offerings, historical figures like cleopatra, Henry 8th n wives, there are many to choose from. If you have soldiers why not civilians? A line of archeological hero’s – both men and women.

    Philip Copeland on
  • I cut my soldier in half and it did not have green in it may soldier was tan

    Andrew on
  • I do recall that were reddish and blue army men from Tim Mee in the late 60’s or very early 70’s.

    Trent on

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