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Tim Mee Army Men: Green to the Core

Posted by TimMeeUSA .com on

After years of hard work we're ready to announce to the world our top secret project, code named 'Green to the Core' (patents pending).

WARNING! Do not attempt to cut open Plastic Army Men as injury may result, both to the human and to the Plastic Army Man being vivisected. We do not accept any responsibility for injury or damage that results from improper use of products.

Real fans of Plastic Army Men know that green is the one true color of the revered miniature backyard heroes. Still, there are wayward folks that insist that other colors are viable alternatives, so we offer Tim Mee Army Men in a variety of colors besides green, including tan, blue, black, red, gray, rust brown, cyan, and even pink (the horror!). Hey, we've got to pay the bills, and who are we to deny the public what they think they want? Deep down we knew it was wrong, so for the past few years we've been quietly developing a solution to honor the true green believers while still cashing in on the alt-green heretics.

We realized that deep down all real plastic army men have a heart of green, so why not literally give them that honest green heart? After several failed attempts we developed a painstaking process for taking newly molded soldiers and hand injecting a tiny amount of green plastic in the center of body, then gently heating the figure to remove any trace of the process. It's a time-consuming and expensive process, so we started with just .1% of the non-green figures produced and randomly inserted them in the bags. It was a start, but not good enough, we needed to take the process into mass production.

Tim Mee Green to the Core Handwork April Fools 2018

This would be a Herculean feat of plastic injection engineering and was met with failure after failure. The final breakthrough occurred when the engineering team stumbled upon the plans for a long lost automated 1930's Bavarian doughnut creme filling injector. The pieces finally fell into place. By miniaturizing the creme filling injectors and inserting the molten green plastic through hollowed out ejector pins, we were finally able to achieve the 'heart of green' in mass production.  We've been slowly rolling out the 'Green to the Core' (patents pending) plastic army men over the past year by including more and more soldiers with a heart of green at random in our non-green packs of soldiers. That means right now, at this very moment, your armies of tan, red, gray, blue, black, brown or pink armies might have a soldier that is truly green on the inside. Think about that.

Tim Mee Green to the Core Machine April Fools 2018

Starting in 2018, all of our non-green soldiers will include the 'Green to the Core' feature (patents pending). The R&D has been incredibly expensive, so we've got to raise prices a bit, but believe we can keep it to a minimum by leveraging the whole 'Going Green' marketing craze. We'll be able to legally say all our Army Men are green products. The expected extra sales volume should help keep the price increase to around 20% or so. We know it's a lot, but feel it's worth it to keep Army Men 'Green to the Core' (patents pending). You're welcome.

Tim Mee Green to the Core April Fools 2018

WARNING! The 'Green to the Core' (patents pending) feature is for entertainment purposes only. Do not attempt to cut open Plastic Army Men as injury may result, both to the human and to the Plastic Army Man being vivisected. We do not accept any responsibility for injury or damage that results from improper use of products.


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5 comments

  • When will you have female style toy soldiers to offer today’s young girls? They don’t have to be pink, because women and men wear the same color uniforms in their respective services. There are pink toy soldiers, but they are still men and not women. There are 1.3 million U.S. military women serving today, 16.2% and as high to date as 19%. We simply are asking for the female form.
    I am a retired Navy Sailor, serving 33 years active duty. My 3 granddaughters are young. I want to expose them to playing with the toy soldiers as well, but there are no female soldiers in the toy form :(

    JoAnn on
  • i would like to see a translucent cherry red set one day just for kicks like the translucent pink that used to be offered way back in the 70’s heck those marbled army men were pretty cool as well could do lots of cool things something i really wish could happen is we get more poses or to scale vehicles does anyone know who the original sculptor of the vietnam era tim mee army men or what process was used to make them?

    H. Paas on
  • who originally sculpted the tim mee army men i would love to see more poses that would be cool its a shame they marching pose is gone forever from the line up

    Henry P. on
  • So if I go buy a pack of Tim mee Soldiers right now one of them might have a green heart inside?

    Tyler aschim on
  • April Fools!

    Paul Gruendler on

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